Foot in mouth

I found the speech to be kind of ironic by the end of the story. Gabriel-a conceited man-begins to talk about the dead as a kind of memorial for hospitality, traditions and change, thus unknowingly bringing about an inevitably "unlucky" night with his wife. Don't get me wrong, he was doomed well before the speech after the not-so-friendly conversation with Lily left him gloomy. Then there was the issue of being labeled a "West Brit" thanks to his lack of Irish pride as Miss Ivors so blatantly spit at him in a loud whisper. I can't really blame her though, Gabriel is a man making a whole host of poor word choices all night. When he finally gets to the speech, he ends up rekindling his wife's love for a dead man after a spouting a dose of reminiscing over "the past, of youth, of changes, of absent faces that we miss here to-night". For how aware he was of the music and his wife's desire, respect and emotion for her own blood and tradition, he really misses the big cues of her sarcastic remark to Mrs. Malins, and distant behavior after hearing his speech and most importantly the Irish song. Quite frankly, he wasn't remembering shit about the past when giving his speech and I can't believe that he didn't know about his own wife's past. I wouldn't think too much of needing to know something like that about someone close to me, but it is rather obvious that she is still "paralyzed" in thoughts concerning the "lost love" of her life. Gabriel is definitely no charmer, and yet, he did finally produce a kind of lovely Ah of a moment after his emotions had settled down into the clarity needed for an epiphany. Kinda funny how easy it is to say the wrong things, and how hard it is to find a way to reconcile for our rash words.

my diamond

It's all a little too much, ya know? As an epiphany should be I guess... I would first like to briefly say that I misunderstood what an epiphany "should" be with what it "can" be. I wanted to believe that an epiphany always had to include some notion of divinity, but I now realize-as has been pointed out specifically in class and again in "without a care" Nick's blog-that an epiphany really is a moment of a paradox, and later (hopefully) clarity and maybe even change.

After reading "The Dead" I can only hope that I can use the right words to point towards my moment of reflective clarity. The moment when Gabriel refuses to go back to west Ireland is the exact time that I felt a change in his character. He had an unknown bitterness to a place that he really had no perceived reason to dread. But, as you find out in the end his wife's first true love lived there. Now, I may sound a little crazy, but when something brings about an unusual response from someone close to you only a naive fool would fail to recognize the change. Gabriel's adamant refusal to visit the place was a "real" emotion even though he didn't know why, but he must have known something more when his wife wished to visit the hometown so eagerly. Her response to his rough refusal should have been clue enough. From that point on, the story mainly revolved around music, and as such, I think the music is my diamond of an "Oh" that contributes to the "Ah".

There are many moments when Gabriel takes notice to the music that fills the atmosphere of the dance hall and refreshment room. However, the most obvious instance of importance is the pride he felt when he saw how his wife reacted to the old Irish song, "The Lass of Augrhim". (Here is a link to listen to this beautiful song originally by Frank Patterson, and here is sung by Susan McKeown http://www.last.fm/music/Susan+McKeown/_/The+Lass+of+Aughrim) His pride and desire smashed together and became almost violent. Just as his emotions should be (confused that is) when going through an unexplainably intense experience, and it only gets more intense from then on. An abundant amount of emotions flood through his and our bodies and minds at this moment of the story, and that my friends is how you know when an epiphany is truly at work. His previously inexplicable desires, and later on shamefulness are at odds after the difficult history, and come together to provide an awareness. And at last there is a kind of clarity at the end with the sound of the snow falling through the universe over the living and the dead, who both share the same sound at that very instance; a music if you will, that exists for shades and life alike.

A moment of oblivion

Lying awake, calculating the future,
Trying to unweave, unwind, unravel
And piece together the past and the future,
Between midnight and dawn, when the past is all deception,
The future futureless, before the morning watch
When time stops and time is never ending;

Within this section of The Dry Salvages lies all that Joyce was working with and through in his Araby story. These two pieces of literature go hand so well together due to the fact that they are both experiencing the agony of time through the emotion of anxiety. Joyce explores the emotion(s) that are experienced through the inability to control time, or better yet our personal time during an age of dependence and lack of authority. The boy's only wish is to demonstrate his feelings for the girl, and yet he feels that money and gifts are needed to do so. His realization concerning this fact causes him to feel vain and angry. Both are relatable to the passage above due to the specific language that is used in the poem. Words like "calculate", "deception", and "futureless" resonate with undertones of anxiety and a bitterness from lack of control. Just as Erin points out in one of her blogs, Nabokov might be pissed that I am trying to read into things that are not really there; never-the-less I agree with what she says about Joyce's call for the necessity of interpretation of underlying meanings behind words. One might refer to this hidden language as the emotional response of reader. So, yes, I am projecting myslef into Eliot's poem, because that is how I get something out of it.

As for when the boy recognizes the emotions that he is feeling in the end of the story, it is as if time itself-even if for only a split second-stops. This moment is the moment "when time stops and time is never ending". As we all know time really doesn't stop, but our emotions can deceive us into believing that time isn't real. A fight for instance, can have this effect. The same goes for epiphanies as well. In Nick's blog, he gives a wonderful definition of epiphany which begins with "a slow change in one's consciousness", and to me this is the moment without time. A moment of oblivion, very similar to the experience of important realizations, like that of the boy's feelings.

Epiphanies are not to be taken lightly, and not to be forgotten!

This blog is going to be a debate of sorts because there are a few things that I disagree with in relation to Wind and the Willows, and maybe somebody will be kind enough to help me sort them out... or agree with them.

First, I think that there can only be an AH! epiphany. To allow such petty things like -oh- to be allowed to be an epiphany sounds much more like a minor moment of realization or recollection of a temporarily forgotten something or other (of these there seem to be tons in the book for class). I was having a fun debate about the definition of epiphanies, and not surprisingly what came up was the show "House". At first thought we both agreed that this asshole doctor was having an epiphany every time that he "magically" saved the day. But that really made me question what the significance of using the term "epiphany" would be if we allowed thoughts of realizations from rational deduction or induction to be included? It is just like Dr. Sexon said about the word "awesome"; or for instance using the word "genius" to describe something like a pooper scooper or ice cube trays. I understand that the term "epiphany" has come to encompass many things, and despite how I feel about it, I know things won't change. So if we continue to use House as an example, yes I do think that he has really important realizations, but I would not call them epiphanies because there isn't really an magic to his obtainment of knowledge, just trial and error. Thus, reasoning should always come after the experience.

Second, after talking with Tai about this, we feel that the epiphany which was deemed the most important in Wind and the Willows is not in chapter 7 because they DO forget their experience. I think that Kevin would agree with us on this because I doubt he will ever forget his epiphanic experience on that mountain. If anything, people should be changed due to such experiences (doesn't have to be a big change mind you, just an awareness that may have not been as important as before). Personally I feel that Mole's first journey into the woods was the most important epiphany in the story because of how his awareness of the woods brought out a change in his behavior. In other words I feel that epiphanies are learning experiences that induce an acute awareness of thoughts and emotions that are strengthened by the magical and divine presence within that special moment of life, and most certainly not to be forgotten. So when Mole went into the woods all willy-nilly, he experienced the truth of life in its most naked and truthful form...scary, and yet, beautiful.

what do I know anyway?

I was embarking on a journey. I knew where and thought I knew why, but things change of course. I left my world and was transported to a different one that unfortunately lacked the comforts of home. So strange how all it takes is a little push and some comforting words to change one's world forever. I found myself plunging into the depths of chaos and knowledge, linked together by levels of awareness.

Ah, chaos, the beauty of my new world's tainted clutter seized me by the wrists and ensnared my mind into its state of barbaric behavior. There was plenty of drink and distorting substances for everyone in this madhouse of a society. Slipping into my own rabbit hole I watched as myself and those around me floundered in this mental whirlpool until IT happened. I was sitting in a class of fellow swimmers, debating about the controversies of things like morals and standards, when all of a sudden I realized that I cared about how people responded to these unconscious helping hands of human nature. Some were dominated by standards, others morals, but that was just the beginning. I soon found a whole island of people who were trying to find a balance between the two. In big letters the island was labeled "LITERATURE".

Quickly after coming ashore I was introduced to the land of knowledge and its relationship with the chaos that enshrouds the world. I was taught how to recognize the difference between poisonous mental foods and the edible ones. I also learned how to dance on the fine lines between insanity and epiphany only to realize that they are one in the same-it all just depends on the person's faith in what they experienced. So here I am, sitting in my room, writing about personal matters to only really two people (myself being one of them), smoking electronic cigarettes and saying I know how to "dance one the thin line between insanity and epiphany". HA!

A mandala garden and imagination/divinity

T.S. Eliot (for some of us we might know him as the "Toilest") plays on the idea of a mandala on page 14. He demonstrates how the wonderer and the guests move in a "formal pattern, along the empty alley, into the box cirlcle, to look down into the drained pool." I believe that by using the idea of a mandala T.S. Eliot is trying to project a sense of trying to grasp an unbelievable "essence", in this case a lotos rose conjured up from mystical sunlight. A wonderful thing about this idea is that the flower could be said to be a divine essence or in less magical terms, imagination. Either way you look at it both terms are able to exist outside of time. There is no telling how much time really passes when we are in the realm of imagination. Of course we could use clocks, but who is to say that our sense of time is correct or at least couldn't be bent to fit into a concept of unreality. An example of this thought can be found in our dreams that last for what feels like hours, and yet when we wake up only ten minutes has passed by. If we could step outside of time I believe that we would be in that dream like state of endlessness. And it seems to me that Eliot believs that this space that exists in this illusive form is what we call the "present"; where past and future (essentially time itself) is all wrapped up into a single moment. 

Back to the idea of the mandala, (got a little side-tracked there) one could imagine this garden shaped into this intricate maze that is essentially a mandala or boarishly noted to be a "box circle". The idea of a mandala is most commonly associated with Buddhist practice. So here is a link to a site that provides quality information about the mandala and its place in Buddhism => http://www.religionfacts.com/buddhism/things/mandalas.htm Please check this site out!